We promise, this is not going to be a lecture about how being single is the most freeing thing ever(even though one of us low-key believes that). Also, if you clicked this expecting a sermon on how there is nothing wrong with being single, well you will be pleasantly disappointed. But if this post was a song, then we would be the choir master leading with our rugged but handsome voices on the reasons why you should not be single. Okay, we’re done with the church metaphors. We know, you were not impressed.
I think it was rooted in us from when we were very young that it is good to be part of a couple. Remember the ‘cha mama, cha baba’ games we played, just one example. So as we grew up, we found ourselves asking a question(s) that would continue to haunt most of us well into adulthood. “Why should I date? Are there pros, are there cons?” Well, it is not that I was born a professional dater, neither am I an expert in these things or anything. But they do say “Experience is the best teacher”. She may not necessarily be the kindest teacher but her lessons surely stick.
Dating is mainly a phase towards finding a wife/husband. And if that’s not why you are dating then just know that you are dating for heartbreak. Dating is like journey, along the way you stop over at different places until you arrive at your destination.However, it is not the case to everyone. Some people find their wives or husbands after dating their first. Those lucky bastards.
I don’t regret my first relationship. It helped me learn a lot about human beings. I learnt how our emotions can easily be triggered, to help us in making immediate decisions. While others may say emotions cloud our judgement, the same emotions show to the world how human we really are. Personally, I have met people saying they have never thought that I can also be very happy and very sad too!
I treat dating like marriage. It gives me a sense of responsibility in that, everyday I live knowing that whatever I am doing is for the best of both of us. I try to make sure that she is comfortable around me and she can trust me with anything.
My high school best friend and I had this inside banter. She was the untamed beauty while I was the wild heart with the carefree spirit. Fast forward to 2020, the beauty was tamed (She is happy for it) and as for the wild heart, well, Tarzan and George of the Jungle have nothing on her.
Many moons ago, a certain batman-like person I know told me that if you don’t experience that crazy deep love that can be reciprocated when everyone my age bracket still has that ability, then I am more likely to experience it when most of them have given up on it.
Give it a minute, let it simmer.
And while it is simmering, here is some sugar and spice to add to the pot. The afore mentioned best friend once told me that being single is selfish. So I am just going to leave you with those two cents.
Back to the song of the day, reasons why you should not be single.
Have you ever heard the saying that experience is the best teacher? Well, the same applies to dating. The only way you get to know what you need and expect out of relationships, is only by doing them. You get to meet the different personalities out there. That way you know what you want or do not want for a life partner. I mean, how else are you going to know if your daddy or mummy issues seep into the kind of people you are attracted to.
I’m sure at some point in your life someone has said these words to you: if you don’t do these things now, you will do them when you are old. Then you proceeded to roll your eyes or scoff it away just as you have done when reading that. Well, I am not a subscriber to the saying myself, but let me misuse it here and now to make a point.
There are some very important lessons and experiences everyone needs to take away from dating. Forget the men are trash and women are gold-diggers campaigns that are flooding the social media platforms. I mean real and genuine life lessons, good and bad. And if you don’t learn these lessons now, you will learn them when you are old and it will be late for you to be learning them.
You know how you are busy convincing yourself and other people that you are single because you want more time for yourself to explore and travel and meet different people? Well, I have nothing against travelling alone but let us be real, travelling with a person you hold dear to your heart is just a lot more fun. Think of the memories you’ll make or the pictures you’ll have for your Instagram. It would be a refreshing change from pictures of just you with the self love hash-tags.
The above not convincing you enough? What if I mentioned building you as a person? Believe me, there is such a thing as someone not knowing how to be in a couple; not knowing how to accommodate other people. How else do you think you will learn that if all you do is spend your every waking hour catering to nothing but your own selfish needs and wants?
Plus, who are you to go against evolutionary biology? Human beings are hard wired to pair-bond. We don’t have the inherent characteristic to be alone and happy. We’re built to seek companionship and connection. The need to give and receive love is an up-most necessity. And if one is not careful, they will go looking for it in all the wrong places and for all the wrong reasons.
And having access to unlimited hugs and kisses while having a best friend, a therapist and a lover all in one person isn’t all that bad either!