Have you ever sat down and just reflected stuff about yourself? The stuff you used to do to which were fully in control over. The things you could do without having anyone in your space to question your actions. You used to go clubbing with your buddies and for my fellow Christians who are in ministry, who would go for intense Praise and Worship practices and cleaning of the sanctuary on those Fridays and Saturdays. Then someone else came into your life.
I have been in several relationships, and I have learnt many lessons in each one of them. Among them is the unknowingly loss of independence. Couples tend to take the “we are one” literally. Not that I am disputing doing things together. For those in marriage, especially Christians, I am not speaking against the book that says a man and a woman leave their parents and become one. However, it is high time we realize that romantic relationships are not some love prison.
People forget themselves and dive into the relationships too deep that the give away their independence. During my grandparents times, I was told by my grandpa that a woman, especially, was completely answerable to her husband, and the man would do anything he wishes without being questioned or consulting with his wife. A woman could give birth to as many children the man wanted. Sometimes, I pity women, the process of giving birth is not a child’s play.
Back to our days. Love can consume one and such a relationship like of our grand parents can kill someone. When I fell in love for the first time in my life, I gave my life to her, unconsciously. She literally controlled my decisions. When she sadly passed on, it affected my health which was already a mess. I had to quit school for a year to get the best medical care the world can offer. The relationship ended up affecting my family financially (for my medi-care) and emotionally. I had not learnt the main lesson. The same story repeated itself in my early campus years. I broke up with someone I had given a major part of my life, only for things not to work out. My close friends know how it went on my side.
Yes, I am dating, but with purpose and an open eye. I have seen what love means and what it does not through the person I love. Love is not giving up your independence, and most importantly, self love. Imagine, in the name of love, someone gives in into sexual relations without having the assurance that they have something more. Young people especially are tuned that love is sex. If your partner forces you in a romantic way to give in, think twice. If you consent, be sure. Ladies, do not allow any guy who calls you Bae to hit you. If he does, and you are not married, RUN! Guys, money should never tie you to her. The way you use your money, she has no right to question, unless you are using it negatively. Do not give a woman money as if it is your obligation. Bro, you are not married. She has parents; do not be her parent. Love yourself the way you love your Boo and not more or less.