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Sapiosexual?

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Before I start this, I’d like to ask you a question, is there a difference between being smart, intelligent and just a person who reads a lot? I feel like I should also throw in knowledgeable in the mix. I’m not looking for dictionary or textbook definitions here.

Whenever I want to get out of my head and run away from my life for a day I go to Uhuru Park. I set out with my bag packed with a trashy novel, a memory card filled with those fantasy adventure movies set in the medieval times (you know, the ones with sword fights and unlikely heroes) and chocolate and apples. I then put my phone on airplane mode making me unreachable and I proceed to recharge my internal batteries. I call those days Millie’s Independence Day. Because for those few hours, I’m free.

Monday the 30th of November 2020 was a Millie’s Independence Day that never happened. I set off to Uhuru Park with my normal agenda for the day planned out. I sat down with my novel, earphones in my ears playing waterfall ambience coz it helps me relax and tune out everything. But barely a chapter in and I am startled by a hand that patted me on my back.

He was our choreographer. That is before I retired my dancing career. He was my flame that burned so brightly. And as soon as the fire was ignited, it was put off. The minute we stopped dancing together it’s like we ran out of firewood and that was it. Life happened and we lost touch. Still though, you never forget the people with whom you shared one of the best times of your life.

His interruption resulted to us trying and failing to recreate some of the duets we had created. He too stopped dancing. So we settled on a catching up lunch. 8 hours of food, drinks, laughs, debates, challenges and games ended up being a very memorable Millie’s Independence Day. And no, no sparks flew. Right now, we are just comfortable friends.

“Everyone claims to be a sapiosexual but nobody is the real deal.” I countered.

He had just told me that the reason why he doesn’t do relationships was because he was a sapiosexual and had not found someone who satisfied him intellectually.

A sapiosexual for those who may have not heard is one of the many many sexual identities there are out there that means someone who is sexually attracted to and is aroused by intelligence rather than the physical body.

And that right there was me giving you one reason why I think 90% of self proclaimed sapiosexuals are phonies. Because they are the same people who will be there going “What I see first is your face and body, not your brain”. We live in a world where physical beauty equals sex appeal.

Let me include a group of people here: geniuses. Does high IQ automatically translate to you seeking out sapiosexuals?

“And here I was thinking you’d say you are one too.” He asked, seeming almost puzzled.

“I don’t think what I identify as has been invented yet.” I said. And I genuinely believe that. I don’t think I even know what my type is.

“No. You are definitely a sapiosexual. Maybe one of the real deals. You seek out smart because you too are smart.”

I rolled my eyes. If I had a shilling……..

The more I meet these people who identify as sapiosexuals, the more I want to declare that I never want to date a sapiosexual. There’s the obvious reason; me having difficulty with you people because who are you to judge someone’s intelligence. And there’s the less obvious reason like; intelligence, or rather attractive intelligence is very relative and liquid. What may seem as intelligence to me may come off as being a pretentious know it all to another. Which is why I asked the question on what people define as smart or intelligence. Especially the sapiosexuals.

In a world where the rest of us took to the streets crying out haki yetu, what would we be marching against? Is it discriminating us based on level of education or how much we know. Or standing up for those of us with intellectual disabilities spanning all across the different types of intelligence, be it emotional or others?

And before you come for my neck, I have used discriminate here to mean personal preference. Not hatred.

It is true that smart seeks out smart. I mean, no one wants to date an idiot. With idiocy here carrying a plethora of meanings. But to be a sapiosexual, you also have to be able to carry a witty and clever conversation. Other wise what you are looking for is a teacher, not a lover.

Huh! I think I may have understood one reason why there are so many teacher-student role play fetishes and porn out there.

All in all, what I am trying to say is people need to stop throwing around that word; sapiosexuals. You’re making it lose its meaning. I feel like there should be some sort of test to determine this. You know, like with the personality tests or IQ tests.

Which reminds me, I should take those tests.

About Post Author

Millie Muthoni

Millie is a dreamer. An overthinker who is susceptible to feeling a lot and an avid reader. She is an adventure seeker who lives for challenges.
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