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Sex or Something Like That – Ep 02

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We woke up one day – it was a Monday if I can remember – some time in March, to a memo from the school’s management and by that evening most of us were either at home or on the way home, or getting the last hump before parting from our campus partners. Well, those who managed to rush to their significant other’s house, like a friend I know ( I kinda envy her, but well, iris wari irris) to get some last d**k down or vice versa were very lucky. The rest who didn’t well, pambana na hali yako. Most likely most campus relationships are almost coming to a halt if they haven’t already. Comrades are giving up and I understand because saying things like ‘I miss you’ and ‘I wish you were here’ for six months is not a walk in the park really and TBH ain’t helping the situation if you know what I mean.

Then there’s that hunger issue, dry spell or ‘kutu’ as guys call it nowadays. Well you have three solutions; persevere, wank (as per my last episode) or have an arrangement with a friend,that is a friends with benefits kind of relationship. Let me focus on the latter. This term FWB is nothing new and not something to be ashamed about because these days people have become more open minded( well, if you’re not, you need to be). There are rules for the success of this type of friendship.

The first and main rule is to be clear about what you are looking for. By this I mean, obviously the main purpose of this arrangement is sex, nothing more. After establishing this now it’s time to start having fun. Kissing. (PS-the rules I state here have worked for me, you might agree or disagree with them, that’s up to you). Personally I don’t go around kissing my friends, that’s weird. A FWB is basically a friend turned friend who grants you sexual favours. To be clear, I’ve not said that oral sex should not be done (do plenty of that in fact), what I am trying to say is, kissing is pretty intimate and everyone can agree with that fact. Kissing only mixes up signals and mixed signals lead to mixed feelings and who wants that type of stress, not me I’d say.

Sleepovers. Don’t spend the night. This is a huge no no. Falling aleep and waking up next to each other in the morning gives one that kind of in a relationship feeling. This is intimate. Refrain from this. Cuddling after sex with your FWB  does not mean the relationship is anything more than two friends having fun in bed with each other. It is just what you are comfortable doing, if you feel the need to question this thing, then FWB is probably not something you should do in the future. If you have an agreement that cuddling is on the table, then snuggle up, otherwise, try to refrain, cuddling encourages intimacy, which is a no no with your FWB. You wanna keep things simple, spooning can and will complicate things.

How often should you hook up? Once a week is fine. One big mistake is trying to see each other often in a short period of time. This brings confusion. Don’t be clingy. It’s only a friendship  people, not an intimate relationship! Hizo tabia za mara you leave your undies at his place, sijui tooth brush, angaa bra, unachoma sis, (main akipata, itakuwaje?). Remember it’s only a sex arrangement, you are probably nothing more to him or her, refrain from these self induced heartaches. Remember he or she has a life outside your little arrangement. If you get mad when he or she is meeting other people, it’s time to reevaluate your life choices.

Don’t leave the bedroom. This simply means keep your affairs in the bedroom, purely sex I mean. Don’t go out of your way to take him or her for dates, going for movies, going for shopping or going for get-aways. This will only complicate matters. I don’t know but in my opinion if you do all this things for me… I mean that’s just cute, what do you expect?

Protection. I just gotta address this. Y’all are having too much unprotected sex, damn. Hamuogopi? Anyway if your FWB is not open about their other sexual endeavors or even if they are being open about it, still use protection. Remember this is not your partner whom you’ve sworn to be faithful to each other for a period of time, this is just an FWB, no guaranteed future, he or she might be getting involved with other people too. Just take care of yourselves.

Finally, end things before they stop being fun, which can be usually tough to gauge when you’re getting multiple orgasms and the best sex. A good rule of the thumb is five weeks- just long enough to really master one another’s G-spots but not so long you start to internalize their roommate’s work schedule. Depending on how you’ll run your little arrangement, this might last a long time, even a year, but that’ll be weird by then. Being FWBs can be healthy and fun and can even be much better than a monogamous relationship only if you’re careful. Well, whatever you do, always have fun, yolo.

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